We launch the #50kfor50k tomorrow, and as I sit here desperately conserving tweets so I can push the cause, I feel unexpectedly lonely. As though I have been at my birthday party all day, and now my friends all have gone home. I have spent the whole day working, 8:30-10:45pm now, no breaks, so that might not help, and tomorrow is more of the same. I am surprised though… I see replies I want to answer, but know I must save for the cause.

Jeff Turner (@respres) sent me a text message last night, telling me I can back out and not do this.  It was very thoughtful, and at the same time poignant. Wouldn’t anyone do this? Why would I change my mind? Thoughtful none the less, as he and Rocky (@headmutha) are, and for all the sacrifices they make to help these young women in Kenya, how tiny is this potential sacrifice of an account on a Social Media website, it is miniscule.  Yet I wonder, and think of what the value is truly.  How many hours have I put into it,  or as some may ask – how much time have I wasted with Twitter.  The answer is none.

I have made so many wonderful friends in this space. People who I have connected with, and become my sisters (@HeyAmaretto, @LesleyLambert, @realestatechick, @rachnicole, @AmyOutLoud, @LDPodcast, amongst many others, and the #TwitterQueens), my Brothers (@DaleChumbley, @JoeSheehan200, @BillLublin, @ProfessionalOne, @ToddWaller, @RodneyJordan and more), my family (cousin @RobHahn) and so much more.  I don’t make lists, I know I will forget, upset, or hurt someone, so I apologize now, as I am tired and may have offended someone important to me, there are a few who will go unnamed but you know who you are.  So how could any of this been a waste?

I have learned so much, I have experienced things I never would have, read books I had not heard of, and more things yet to come.  Opportunities, honors, and cherished moments all as a result of this.

I spent so many years hiding my love of computers, of BBSs, of interactions online that were socially unacceptable in the circles in which I ran (seen the movie Heathers, well lets say I would have preferred to friend Martha Dumptruck, but hung with Heathers), the pure joy now of the sense of belonging is overwhelming.  I have always belonged, but now all my friends belong too.  I was lucky, I passed unnoticed, through the halls and into the parties, now I get to walk those same halls with the true heros.

At RETSO last week, at the MVP party, someone made a statement, and I wish I knew who to credit, and I saw it resonate in so many faces, mine included “We were all the fat kids” they said… literally, figuratively, it was a rather profound statement.  My friend was so moved, I saw a tear come to her eye “I was”, she said nodding, “I was the fat kid…” and she smiled, such a huge glowing smile, it warmed my heart.

So, if I am staring at the end of @mayaREguru, so be it.  Can I help some poor young girls in Kenya to even glimpse the opportunities that I have had, that we all have had, by bringing this cause to your attention, and raising money to buy them a new home, yes I can, yes I will. So if I must say good bye, so be it.

I can do it again. Or maybe I will do something else.

“I just want something, I can never have.”  Nine Inch Nails (Trent Reznor)